Military History of France

[Sawduster]

Subject: Military History of France

I am reminded at times like these of my father's love of the French learned from his time there during WWII (he never went back). "The French: They are always there when they need us." and "The French, invincible in peace, invisible in war."

Below is currently making the rounds in the military community: The Complete Military History of France

* Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

* Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."

* Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

* Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots.

* Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

* War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

* The Dutch War - Tied.

* War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded
Frog-o-philes the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

* War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

* American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

* French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

* The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

* The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's Ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

* World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

* World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

* War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu.

* Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare: "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

* War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?"

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage."


We're in it for the LONG TERM because we CARE!

[Billy B]

Regarding Indochina, the french troops provided on the job training for Ho Chi Mihn's boys in the 50's for when the Americans showed up and the french limped out.

BB

[MatD]

How about we leave the political pandering elsewhere?

Mat

[Danford C Jennings]

Mat,

Jerry's is a completely apolitcal post; there is a huge difference between Military History and Politcal Science...Besides, not only is it factually correct, it's funnier than hell.

Dano

[pgeer]

Viva la France!

[jo_dad]

France is just pissed off cause an American has won thier lil' ol' bicycle race four years in a row!!!!!

Viva la LANCE!!!!!!!!!!!

[WoodMangler]

Funny stuff Jerry...

You should add the "War with the Mosquitos" in their attempt to dig the Panama Canal... which they also lost. The US came in and completed it... then gave it away??

Strange happenings eh....

[Sawduster]

Seems we do have a bit of a history in picking up the pieces, putting em back together, then giving the finished thing away.

[Bill Kunert]

France's military leadership during WWI was so inept that the troops mutinied and refused to go to the front. That leadership caused them terrible casualties. These are the same people who built the 'impregnable' Maginot line. Problem is they only built it to the Belgian border. Invade through The Netherlands and Belgium and bypass the whole thing. Brilliant! France, it seems, only has regard for the USA whe she needs to be bailed out. Thanks to Charles DeGaulle they have illusions that they are a world power.

Currently popular bumper sticker

FIRST IRAQ
THEN FRANCE

Regards
Bill

[MatD]

<quote>
The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?"

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage."

We're in it for the LONG TERM because we CARE!
</quote>

That isn't factual military history that's pandering.

Mat

[Cromag]

Here is a picture of a REAL American!
http://www.kimmershow.com/images/Payingrespect.jpg

----------------------


Dont forget that france is the only country to surrender its capital city without a fight. Shows you what kind of people they really are. Better plant more shade trees.... Bunch of pussies!
http://www.boortz.com/nypost-weasels.gif
http://www.boortz.com/french.gif

[Danford C Jennings]

Naw,

The first is one is suggesting advice, the second one is a metaphorical description, the last a statement. All of which are accurate...none of which are "pandering"; check your dictionary.

Dano

[Danford C Jennings]

Marc,

Actually, we never owned the Panama Canal. The orgiginal lease agreement, The Hay-Bunau-Varilla Treaty (1903), stated that in exchange for the United States gauranteeing Panama's independance they would perpetually lease to the U.S. the 10 mile strip and the canal. Jimmy "The Peanut" Carter, and now lead carpenter for Habitat for Humanity, renegotiated the "lease" in 1977, where the Panama Canal would fall under the soverignty of Panama, with the provision that the U.S. still had rights to defend it, in the year 2000.

Dano

[Sonny Edmonds]

... Thanks Jerry.

And there are at least two of us "real Americans".
A flag NEVER passes me without me standing, often with hand over heart. What is amazing is seeing others realize and stand and show their respect as well.
Since 9-11, my flag flys 24-7 WITH a light on it. Not just on holidays. I finally, reluctantly, put it back to full staff yesterday. A week just didn't seem long enough to me. God rest their souls.
And although I was never in the military (not entirely by my choice either), You can count me as one armed and dangerous red blooded American who is ready to stand and fight for my neighbors and my country. Or die if it is Gods will.
That's just the way it is.
Within some of us the spirit of the Minute Men still survives. Until they pry my cold dead fingers from my empty guns.
No questions. }>

:D

Sonny Edmonds
"Precision Firewood Specialist"
[link:home.earthlink.net/~sonnypie/ | Sonny's Shop Pages]
God Bless America !
One Nation Under God! Or you can bite my A$$ and just leave!

[aawood]

Sonny, I watched a TV show back a few months ago on US Army basic training. It followed a group of recruits through basic at Ft. Jackson, SC (where I went). The last show, they were in a gym full of family members, cadre, etc. When they played the National Anthem and presented the flag, maybe a quarter of the people stood and saluted (or hand over heart as the case of dress may be) and most weren't the soldiers!. This called to remembrance public events and football games (high school and div I college) I had attended in the past year. Am I mistaken or out of date? Weren't we taught in elementary school, boy scouts, military, whatever to come to attention and salute when the flag was presented?

[Danford C Jennings]

Yes we were but unless you refer to placing your right hand over your heart as a "salute" only those in a uniform are required to (or should) render a hand salute during the National Anthem and/or when the Flag passes by. Technically, since the event you refer to took place in a gym, the hand salute should not have been rendered by soliders in uniform, but they all should have come to attention. The only time a hand salute is rendered under cover is when reporting to a superior officer...FWIW.

Dano

[Sonny Edmonds]

Yes we were Anthony. You are not mistaken.

I suppose maybe folks are embarassed to stand for the symbal of this great country.
That's OK, I embarass the hell out of them for being such wimps by showing I am not embarassed.
Too many Son's and Daughters died for that flag and the country it stands for.

Am I alone in that prickly feeling in my scalp and the tears that well up when the National Anthem is played?
Am I alone in that feeling in my chest when a crisp military band marches in perfect unison?
I remember when they used to sign off the TV stations with the National Anthem and clips of Planes, Tanks, Ships, and Personel. Not run a tape of infomercials.

Am I alone? No, I think not.
I know I am not!

:D

Sonny Edmonds
"Precision Firewood Specialist"
[link:home.earthlink.net/~sonnypie/ | Sonny's Shop Pages]
God Bless America !
One Nation Under God! Or you can bite my A$$ and just leave!

[aawood]

Dano, "or hand over heart, as the case of dress may be". I was refering to this. Seems like you're right about the salute from the uniformed, though. Nevertheless, most of the attendees (majority in uniform) didn't acknowledge either way.

[TheWoodMan]

Amen

[Danford C Jennings]

...are you saying that the uniformed did not come to attention? That's amazing....

Dano

[WoodMangler]

Yea... I knew it was leased... I said "owned" the same way people say "MY" car when they lease one :)

I used to take lunch breaks in an observation/Tourist tower that overlooked the Gatun Locks because[li]It was air conditioned[li]It was always empty[li]It had great chairs![li]It had a great view of the locksThere was a recording that you had to listen to though... started to get real old after while :)

They had to take the tower down when the Queen Elizabeth II came through... she's so beamy (the ship, not the Queen :) )that all the light poles, stands, towers, etc. had to be removed for her transit.

They never put the tower back up....

[PastorPaul]

That first picture is really upsetting. We see a little more honor for the flag here in St. James, but still not what it should be.

As police chaplain, one of my side duties was to help with traffic control at parades. Often times when the flag went by, it was the start of the parade and I was busy trying to stop traffic determined to sneak through the parade route. I didn't get to face the flag, much less give her the honor our nation's symbol deserves.

That first picture reminded me of what made me feel worse. When I did get to direct my attention to the parade (my duty station was directly in front of the Missouri Veterans Home), I saw so much of that first picture. Those old veterans, some of them not really able to stand, managed to stand and salute anyway. Others saluted from their wheelchairs or electric scooters, sometimes with only the stub of an arm they lost in defending our nation. The pride and devotion you could see in their eyes, even from across the street, was amazing. And then you had the younger and/or healthier people lining the parade route. I'd guess that no more than 20% even noticed that our flag was going by. To the rest it was just a parade going by.

What I did find interesting was that when I was able to face the parade route and stand at attention as Old Glory went by a whole lot more people around me suddenly found their patriotism, at least for a brief moment. I guess they don't realize how much blood it takes to make those red stripes. :-(

Pastor Paul

"If they don't have woodworking in heaven, I ain't going!!!"

[RSK]

I guess they don't realize how much blood it takes to make those red stripes.


Thanks Paul....that's the best quote I've seen in awhile

[Sawduster]

This brings to my mind an event which occurred several years ago when my son was in Junior High School. We went to a band program held in the cafeteria of the school and at the opening the band played the National Anthem. I happened to glance a little over to one side while the anthem was being played, with the folks in attendance standing, some rendering respect with their hands over the hearts. Anyway, one of the assistant principals of the school was standing and sort of leaning against one of the support columns with one hand in his pocket. Real good example he was showing for the kids.

And Sonny, you are not alone. As a Military dependant growing up, and later when I was in the Army, I saw enough of the world to realize how good we have it. Before the "Iron Curtain" came down, I visited our side of the wall in Germany. You could see the great empty hearts of the people in the windows of the buildings on the other side. We must be vigilant at home as well as abroad that our freedoms are not taken away, especially by those who presume to make us safe by taking away our freedoms.

[Grandad]

I don't want this to sound like an attack on your position. OK.

A large number of fights on this forum are because people simply refuse to pass over something they disagree with. One can always decide to ignore a post one doesn't like. I do that all the time, so do most others here.

I do give you credit, though, you did make your point in a nice way, without being critical of any person.

[Grandad]

I can't believe your post got through the "censors" on the site!

Good thing it did, because there really is no other word that would describe it!

[aawood]

Isn't it though? I seem to remember that the graduating troops may have been at parade-rest, and stayed that way. Watch any sporting event (SuperBowl was a good example) and very few even stop eating/talking, etc. I have been to events where I was just about the only one to place my hand over my heart, though most were standing because they were instructed. Then you get some confused looks!

[aawood]

Maybe we should teach citizenship in school? Wow, what a novel idea! No, wait a minute, might offend someone and get sued. Besides, that would cut into our class time for sex-ed, sensitivity training, evolution, NEW American history-you know-the important things.

I remember the anticipation for my day to lead the Pledge of Allegience in grade school.

[aawood]

Iraq - Chirac, Hum.....

[logical]

I was army and went to a military college. The Navy/Marines are the only branches to salute indoors as far as I know. I have knocked on business owners doors and told them about how their tattered flags were a disgrace. I once went to Wal-Mart and made the store manager change the flag while I watched. I have made youngsters at sporting events shut their mouths while the national anthem is being played.

One tradition that the Army has is that there is only one truck on any base and that is the "truck" at the top of the flagpole. A weapon and ammunition are also supposed to be buried near the flagpole for it's defense. I don't know how true this is, but I was told this as Honor Guard during Desert Storm.

I agree with Sonny on this one. If they do succeed in getting my guns, I have a 150lb pull crossbow. They'll never hear it coming.

[aawood]

I once told a restaurant manager the same thing from the drive-thru window. This was in a town who's sole existance was an Army post!

[PastorPaul]

Sonny,

If you are alone, then there are a whole bunch of us alone together.

http://webpages.charter.net/chalosi/usaC.gif

Pastor Paul

"If they don't have woodworking in heaven, I ain't going!!!"

[Cromag]

Sonny> Man, the BEST time I've heard the National Anthem was during a football game (I was watching from home). And a young girl (like 9 years old) sang the National Anthem. She sang it so simply, clearly and beautifully, none of that popular frilly crap. It brought to mind all the awsome things that go along with being free! And then the Blue Angels flew over head and MY GOD it was bad ass. I knew right then without a doubt that I'd rather die fighting for freedom than live as a slave. Too bad the French don't feel that way.


Paul.